Prank Wars
by Sabrina06
Summary: Phineas and Ferb are typical teenagers, brothers. Over the years they've enjoyed playing jokes and pranks on each other. One day, one prank goes a little too far. Co-written with foobar137.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Sabrina06: This is, uh... how do I begin to explain this? I don't think I can. Once again, I find myself in cahoots with foobar137. This is a set of PMs that we put together.**

**A/N foobar137: Did you ever have one of those conversations that just went completely off the rails somewhere, and you're not entirely sure how or why? We seem to have those fairly often, and this one...well, see for yourself. We ping ways to torture characters off each other, and sometimes a story comes out. This time, it was the conversation with Buford that jumpstarted this, and then she built the framework to fit it into.**

****By the way, neither of us own Phineas and Ferb, created by J. Marsh & D. Povenmire. We don't work with them, nor do we know them.****

17-year-old Ferb opened the door to his brother's bedroom. "Phineas, can I borrow your truck Friday night?"

Phineas looked up from his homework and narrowed his eyes at his brother. "Don't you ever knock? What if I was doing something private in here?"

Ferb raised an eyebrow at him. "Sorry," Ferb said as he continued to look at his brother. He widened his eyes as he waved a hand as if to say, "Well?" Phineas looked back at Ferb. With a roll of his eyes Ferb asked, "Can I borrow your truck? Django's got an exhibit and needs help transporting pieces."

Phineas continued to look at his brother. "What's the matter with your car?"

Ferb scoffed at him. "The Spyder's a coupé; no back seat."

Phineas nodded. "Fine, just don't scratch the paint."

Ferb gave his brother a thumb up. "Don't worry Phineas, I'll put some sleeping bags and blankets down."

Ferb put his phone back to his ear as he left the room. "Good to go. See you at school."

The next morning Phineas awoke to his alarm and got out of bed. He went downstairs for breakfast, as he waited his turn for the shower. Fifteen minutes later, Ferb came downstairs. "Sorry I took so long, I slept in."

Phineas checked his watch. "Don't worry, bro. We've still got plenty of time," he said and went for his shower.

Ferb ate his breakfast as he read and responded to a text from his girlfriend. The phone in his hand suddenly rang. He looked at it a moment before answering. "Morning, Isabella." Ferb listened to what she had to say. He finished his breakfast and put his dishes in the sink; then went to answer the door. He smiled and disconnected the call.

"Morning, Ferb," Isabella greeted him as she stepped into the house.

Isabella adjusted the backpack on her shoulder as she looked around. "So, Phineas isn't ready yet?" Ferb looked up the stairs and shook his head.

Ferb went back to the kitchen to grab his lunch and put it in his bag. He heard the bathroom door open and close then Phineas' bedroom door close. Ferb stepped to the bottom of the stairs. Isabella looked at him and cocked her head to the side. "He's almost ready?" Ferb nodded.

Isabella placed her bag on the ground and put her finger to her lips; then pointed up the stairs. Ferb rolled his eyes and shook his head. She crept half way up the stairs and paused. She turned to watch Ferb's expression but he wasn't at the bottom of the stairs. Isabella then crept to the top of the stairs and rested her hand on Phineas' bedroom door.

The door suddenly opened and Phineas stepped out of his room, colliding with her. "Hey Phineas, Whatcha' doin'?" she said, as Phineas stepped back, his face red.

"Uh, hey Isabella. We're running a bit late now. Ferb, start the truck, you can drive today," he called as he started down the stairs, followed by Isabella.

The trio climbed into Phineas' truck and Ferb started driving. Phineas turned and looked at Isabella. "What were you doing outside my bedroom?" he asked her.

Isabella smiled shyly. "I was just checking to see if you were ready."

Phineas started rubbing the back of his neck as a blush crept up his neck. "Right. I'm, uh, sorry I bumped into you. Are you all right?" he said, looking toward Ferb, who appeared to have zoned out.

Isabella twirled a lock of hair around her finger. "It's okay Phineas. I probably should have knocked."

Ferb drove into the parking lot and parked the vehicle, then got out and grabbed his bag from the back. Isabella and Phineas got out and grabbed their bags before heading into the school.

Isabella went to her locker, four down from Adyson. "Morning, Adyson," she greeted.

"Morning, Iz. Are you ready for that science test?" Adyson replied.

Isabella sighed. "I hope so. I was having problems studying last night."

Adyson snickered. "Problems of the Phineas variety?"

Isabella blushed.

"I thought so," Adyson said as she closed her locker and headed to her class.

At lunch Phineas sat at his regular table in the cafeteria. It wasn't long before everyone else started to arrive. Ferb sat down and handed Phineas the keys to the truck. "Study date?" Phineas asked, and Ferb shrugged his shoulder and smirked.

After school Phineas and Isabella went back to the Flynn-Fletcher household to study. "Do you think they are really studying together or are just have a regular date?" Isabella asked as she took a sip of water and finished reading a chapter of her assigned novel.

Phineas looked up from his English assignment. "Huh? Oh, probably a bit of both. This is Ferb we're talking about. I just like to tease him because they've been together for so long."

Isabella looked at her crush and sighed. _Oh Phineas, just take me in your arms and kiss me as though you mean it. I need to feel your lips on mine, I need to feel your hands as they hold and caress me. Oh, Phineas… why can't you see that I need you to do things to me; things that will make me feel wonderful._

"What do you think?" Phineas paused a moment. "Isabella?"

The girl looked at him and blinked. "Sorry, what?"

Phineas laughed. "I said I was going to re-set Ferb's alarm clock, make him think that he came home late."

Isabella looked strangely at him. "O-kay… why would you do that?"

With a wave of his hand, Phineas replied, "It's a guy thing; you know. I re-set his alarm, he soaks all the towels. I drink all the milk, so he doesn't have any for his cereal and he puts my juice in the microwave."

Isabella looked incredulously at her neighbour. "Isn't that a little childish?"

Phineas pondered her statement a moment. "Well, Ferb's not been keeping his end up lately. I'll prank him with something and he doesn't retaliate any more."

Isabella became worried. "Does Ferb say anything about the pranks?"

Phineas tapped his pen against the table as he rested his head in his hand. "He's told me to grow up."

Isabella went home for dinner. Phineas put his homework back into his bag, then sat at the table.

Linda pulled dinner out of the oven. "Do you know where Ferb is?" she asked her son.

Phineas looked over. "He's at Melissa's. Should I call him?" he asked, and the phone on the wall rang.

Linda went to answer it. "Hello? Ferb, I was starting to get worried. Of course. Just be home by curfew. Okay, sweety. Bye." Linda hung up the phone and looked at Phineas. "Ferb's been invited to stay for dinner. He'll be home in a few hours." Phineas nodded and started to fidget.

After dinner, Phineas went into Ferb's room and set the clock ahead three hours.

The deadbolt on the front door clicked audibly in the stillness of the house and the front door swung open with a creak. Ferb winced as he entered the house. He knew he was past curfew. He looked at his watch: 8:30pm. _My watch stopped? Fabulous_, he thought to himself.

Ferb crept upstairs and into his room. The clock on the night stand read 4:00am. His eyes went wide and he cautiously peeked into the hallway. I didn't think it was that late. Ferb thought as he got dressed for bed.

Phineas heard his brother ascend the stairs and he looked at his clock; 1:00am. Phineas shook his head. Ferb's going to be in trouble if Mom and Dad find out he came home two hours past curfew.

Two hours later, Ferb's alarm went off and he grudgingly got out of bed. He went to the washroom for his shower, then got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast.

As Ferb entered the living room, he noticed it was still dark outside and that there were no lights on in the kitchen. He made his way through the doorway, turned on the light and looked around. His eyes then fell on the microwave; 3:45am.

Ferb narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. He then crept back upstairs and into the bathroom. Candace had left an aerosol can of hair remover behind when she got married and moved out. A smirk played at his lips as he shook the canister and went into his brother's bedroom.

Phineas woke up three hours later and went for a shower.

Linda was downstairs making breakfast and Ferb was sitting at the table when an inhuman cry was heard from upstairs. Linda dropped the spatula she was holding. Ferb was still too tired and didn't register his brother run in, wearing only a towel.

Linda, concerned for her son, grabbed him by the shoulders. "Phineas, what's wrong?" She could feel the aura of panic coming from him. Phineas turned around and glared at Ferb, who was just sitting at the table. "Oh, it's on," Phineas said and Ferb raised an eyebrow in return.

Ferb grabbed his bag and went to his car. A few minutes later Phineas joined him and they made their way to school. Phineas glared at his brother. "I thought you thought pranks were childish."

Ferb nodded. "They are, setting my clock ahead three hours was mean."

Phineas turned angrily toward the window. "You retaliated!"

Ferb shrugged. "I hope you learned your lesson."

Phineas looked hard at his brother. "You haven't retaliated in years."

Ferb braked hard at a red light. "You've not earned retaliation in years."

Ferb pulled into the parking lot; they walked into the school and went to their respective lockers. The Flynn-Fletcher brothers had most of the same classes today. During Science class they were working on labs. Ferb's lab partner was Adyson. Phineas' lab partner was Melissa, Ferb's girlfriend. He took this opportunity to talk to her.

"I want to prank Ferb and I need your help," Phineas said, as he leaned in close.

After school Phineas waited at Ferb's car for a ride home. Isabella wandered over. "Hey, Phineas. Whatcha' doin'?"

He grinned. "Waiting for Ferb. I wonder what's taking him so long."

Isabella looked to the doors of the school. "I saw them talking at Melissa's locker a few minutes ago. Probably making plans for this weekend," she said, as she twirled a lock of hair around her finger and turned her attention back to her neighbour.

Phineas looked to the school doors. "He's helping Django setup the art exhibit tonight. Tomorrow, he's been invited out with her family for a day at the beach."

Isabella sighed. "A day at the beach sounds fun. We should do that someday."

Phineas nodded. "Yeah, we can get the whole gang together. Play volleyball, go swimming, have a picnic and a bonfire after the sun sets," he said, getting excited about the idea. "I'll talk to everyone this weekend, maybe we can do that after exams."

Isabella smiled at his enthusiasm, something she'd always loved about him. "Sounds great, Phin. You talk to everyone, and I'll sort out the games and food."

Ferb walked up to his car, put his bag in the trunk and opened the door. "Shall we?" he said. Phineas tossed the other two bags into the trunk, then sat in the passenger seat as Isabella sat on his lap.

Isabella looked to Ferb. "I've been wondering. Why did you restore a two seater vehicle? Why not something with a back seat?" Ferb smirked. "I love classic cars. Besides, at the moment, I don't need a back seat."

The trio arrived back at the Flynn-Fletcher house and got out of the car. "Hey, Phineas," Ferb started, "Do you know where Mum put the spare blankets?"

Phineas looked at him strangely. "Why do you need the spare blankets?"

Ferb rolled his eyes. "So I don't scratch your precious paint job," he said slowly.


	2. Chapter 2

Ferb walked into the house while Phineas and Isabella talked.

Isabella stood in the middle of the driveway, twisting coyly at the waist. "So, Phineas. Do you want to come over this evening? My Mom's not home, we can watch a movie," she said sweetly.

With a smile, Phineas replied. "Sure, I've got a new science fiction movie we can watch. There's an interview with the director and special effects artists I'd like to see."

Isabella looked to the ground. "Sure thing. Then maybe we can watch something else? A comedy perhaps?"

Phineas cocked his head to the side. "We'll see how late it is first. I have to be home by curfew."

Isabella started to walk across the street.

"See you soon," Phineas called out to her and she turned around.

"You can count on it," she replied and stepped onto the sidewalk, on her side of the street.

The garage door opened and Ferb backed Phineas' truck down the driveway. Phineas watched as Ferb put the vehicle in gear and drove off. He then went into the house and tossed his bag into the corner. "I'm going over to Isabella's for a few hours," he told his mother.

Ferb picked Melissa up then drove to Django's house and helped the artist load his pieces into the back of the truck. "Hey Ferb, you've got blankets and sleeping bags in the back. Have you two got something planned for later?" Django inquired.

Ferb shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe just lay back and do some stargazing," he said as he looked to his girlfriend, who smiled back.

Django laughed. "Yeah, right."

Once all the pieces were loaded, Ferb drove to pick up Milly, Django's girlfriend; then off to the gallery to set up the exhibit.

Ferb and Django erected the display panels while girls were chatting.

Django looked to his friend. "So. You guys have been together for a while," he stated.

Ferb nodded in reply.

"How long has it been?" Django asked.

Ferb secured the locking pin in place then replied, "Three years."

Django held the next panel in place while Ferb secured the locking pin. "Can I ask you something?"

Ferb nodded.

"When did you start... you know… sleeping with her?"

Ferb raised an eyebrow. "Does it matter?"

Django laughed. "Dude, I just want to know. Milly and I've been going out for a couple of months and I think she's wanting to go all the way."

The girls came back into the gallery, and Milly ran up to Django, flung her arms around his neck, and kissed him hard. She then pulled back. "Miss me?"

Django grinned. "Every second I don't see you, I miss you."

Ferb rolled his eyes and offered his girlfriend a slight smile. She shyly smiled back and let him take her hand.

"Oh, they're so perfect together!" Milly squealed causing the other girl to blush and hide her face in Ferb's jacket.

It didn't take long to finish setting up the exhibit. The four teens went back to the truck and Ferb dropped Django and Milly off at her place. "Good night, you two," Django called out as he closed the door. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do," the artist teased as Ferb drove away.

Ferb drove to the lake and parked the truck. "Care to do some stargazing?" he asked quietly as he tucked a lock of hair behind his girlfriend's ear.

She smiled back at him. "I'd love to," she said, and kissed him.

They climbed out of the cab and relaxed in the bed of the truck. "It's so peaceful out here," she commented.

Ferb looked at the stars. "Mmm," he sounded and rested his hand on hers. They lay back and watched the stars for a while, they even saw a satellite make it's way across the night sky.

"Ferb?" she asked.

He turned his head to look at her and raised an eyebrow.

"Have you ever thought about having sex?" she asked.

He sat up and looked directly at her. "I've thought about it," he admitted tentatively. She cast her eyes away from him and he reached out for her hands. "You still don't feel ready," he whispered.

She shook her head. "I'm so sorry, Ferb." She started to sob.

Ferb pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. "If you're not ready, you're not ready. It's okay," he soothed. She looked at him with watery eyes. Ferb smiled and gave her a tender kiss. "Besides," he added "I'd rather make love to you."

She smiled at him. "Really?" she asked. Ferb nodded then kissed her.

They lay back and continued to look at the stars for a while longer. "You don't mind?" she whispered.

"I'll wait as long as necessary," Ferb replied, and was startled when she flung herself onto him and passionately kissed him.

"I"ll see you tomorrow," she called out after Ferb kissed her goodnight on her front porch.

"Seven o'clock," Ferb confirmed, then got into the truck and drove home.

Ferb opened the door and stepped into the house. "Good evening son, how was your date?" Lawrence inquired from where he was sitting watching TV.

"I had a great time, thanks for asking. I've got a busy day tomorrow, I'm heading to bed now," Ferb replied and went upstairs. He knocked once on his brother's bedroom door then opened it. Phineas wasn't there. Ferb tossed the keys to the truck onto his brother's desk, closed the door and went to his own room.

Ferb glanced at the clock as he lay down, 10:00pm. He then remembered that the clock was set ahead and he ran downstairs to double check the time in the kitchen.

"Where's the fire son?" Lawrence laughed as Ferb stumbled off the last step and bolted forward through the living room.

Ferb dashed into the kitchen and looked at the microwave display. 9:50pm. He casually walked back into the den. "Father, may I inquire as to the time?" Ferb asked.

Lawrence chuckled. "Let's see…" he said as he pressed the button on the TV remote. "It's almost ten." Ferb nodded and went back upstairs.

Ferb lay back down on his bed and closed his eyes.

The door was flung open and the light snapped on. "Ferb!" Phineas hollered as he came into the room and sat on his brother's bed. "Ferb, wake up." Phineas started to shake Ferb's shoulders. Phineas was shaking his brother's shoulders when Ferb woke up and sat up, colliding with Phineas.

"I'm up, I'm up," Ferb said as he rubbed his head.

Phineas sat back and rubbed his own head. "I think I'm in trouble Ferb," he said.

Ferb raised an eyebrow, then got out of bed and sat on the edge as he held his head in his hands.

"What's wrong Ferb?" Phineas inquired, concerned.

Ferb looked at him out of the corner of his eye. "You wanted my help with something?" he said, and Phineas nodded.

Phineas took a breath and launched into a full description of events from earlier in the evening. "She tried to kiss me. I rushed home as soon as I could. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't know what's going on."

Ferb blinked at his brother and sighed. "Did you try to kiss her back?"

Phineas shook his head violently. "I can't. I mean… I could. Part of me really wants to, but there's this other part that's telling me it's wrong to kiss Isabella."

Ferb sat up straighter and looked directly at Phineas. "Explain, 'it's wrong to kiss Isabella'."

Phineas nodded. "The thought of kissing her is… well…" Phineas visibly shuddered. "Let's just say I wouldn't kiss you, Ferb."

Ferb feigned a hurt expression and replied slowly, "I see."

Phineas waved his hands about. "Don't get me wrong, I think you're a good looking guy. It's no wonder you've had the same girlfriend for a couple of years."

Ferb glanced at the clock. "What exactly are you wanting from me?"

Phineas' shoulders slumped. "I don't know. Have you any advice for me?"

Ferb stretched his neck then replied. "You have to ask yourself. 'Do I want to date girls or guys?' First come up with that answer, then I'll help you."

Phineas stood up and walked over to the door. "Okay Ferb. Oh, one last question," he said and saw Ferb raise an eyebrow. Phineas then continued, "What possessed you to… you know… the hair?"

Ferb snorted in laughter. "That's what happens when I get two hours sleep."

Phineas grinned. "I re-set your alarm. Can we call a truce?" Ferb nodded.

Phineas clicked the light switch and closed the door. Ferb crawled back into bed and fell asleep.

In the morning Phineas awoke and went downstairs for breakfast. "Morning, Champ," Lawrence greeted from behind his paper.

"Morning Dad." Phineas replied as he took his seat at the table and looked around. "Uh, have you seen Ferb this morning?" he asked.

Linda put a plate of pancakes in front of him. "He left half an hour ago, he'll be home after dinner."

Phineas went into the backyard and tried to sketch out a blueprint. He had no idea what he wanted to build. The back gate opened up. "Whatcha' doin'?" Isabella greeted as she came in.

Phineas looked up. "Just thinking."

Isabella came closer to where he was sitting. "Whatcha' thinking about?"

Phineas startled. "Uh, stuff… guy stuff… Ferb."

Isabella planted her hands on her hips. "You're thinking about Ferb?" she asked.

Phineas nodded. "Not like that. Well, not completely. You see, he and I have an… understanding. He helps me with things. Not just ideas but problems; real guy problems. He has a way of… how do I say this? He relaxes me you know?"

Isabella burst into tears and left.

The following week was uneventful, until Friday evening. Melissa came over for dinner. Everyone sat down and Linda put the roast on the table. "Thank you, Ms. Flynn," Melissa said with a smile.

"Don't mention it dear. You're practically family," Linda replied.

Phineas started eating his dinner and nodded to his classmate as he smiled. She coughed lightly and looked to Ferb. "Ferb, can you pass the dinner rolls." Ferb passed the bowl of rolls and noticed the scowl on his brother's face. He then tilted the bowl toward Phineas as he raised an eyebrow.

After dinner the young couple went into the den to watch some TV.

"Ferb," she started. "Phineas asked me to help him play a trick on you." She continued and Ferb raised an eyebrow and glanced toward the living room, then asked, "What is his idea of a trick this time?" Linda was bringing dessert to Ferb and Melissa, she paused before stepping into the den and overheard what was being said.

The young girl looked worriedly to Ferb. "I'm pregnant."

There was a crash as the dessert dishes fell from Linda's hands. "FERB!" she screeched causing her son to leap off the couch and spin around to look at his mother. "WHAT is the meaning of this?" Linda hollered.

Ferb's eyes went wide. "No. You don't understand," he tried.

Linda stepped up to him and poked him with her index finger. "I understand perfectly young man. You had better do the right thing. As for you, young lady… I'm sorry and I hope that your parents have a long talk with you about what you've done. You've gone and ruined both your lives. You're still high school students. You had your whole lives ahead of you. I thought we raised you better. Go to your room! No, scratch that. Go sit in the kitchen, I don't want either of you out of my sight."

The two teens walked out of the den and paused in front of a stunned Phineas. Ferb shot his brother a glare then turned to his girlfriend and took her hands in his. "The truth being what it is… Melissa, will you marry me?" he asked as he looked into her eyes.

She returned his gaze. "Ferb," she whispered. "...are you joking?"

Ferb turned and smirked at his brother then ran his hands down her sides before resting them on her waist. "No. Not about something this important," he replied softly.

Phineas' jaw dropped. "Ferb, you can't..." he said.

Ferb continued to look into her eyes as he ignored his brother's protests. Melissa nodded. She thought it was part of the joke. "Of course I'll marry you Ferb."

Ferb pulled out his keys. "Come on sweetheart, let's leave," he said as he placed his hand protectively on her back and directed her to the garage.

Linda continued to stand in the living room, fuming. Phineas looked up from where he was seated on the couch. "It was supposed to be a joke. I had no idea she really was pregnant."

Linda turned on him. "You knew all along? You knew and didn't say anything? Why didn't you stop him? I don't want to hear of _you_ starting a family now." Phineas nodded and looked to the floor.

Ferb drove to his sister's house. They got out of the car and knocked on the door. Jeremy answered and invited them in.

A few hours later, Candace went to pick up some of Ferb's clothes as well as his computer and his school bag. "Candace, it's so good to see you honey." Linda said as she embraced her daughter.

"Sure Mom. What happened to Ferb? He doesn't seem quite himself." Candace inquired.

Linda indicated a chair at the dining room table. "Ferb and Melissa are going to be parents. I'm going to be a grandmother, Candace. I'm not ready for that." Linda said.

Candace smiled. "You are a grandmother."

Linda narrowed her eyes at her daughter a moment. "You're taking his side?"

Candace shook her head. "I'm not taking anyone's side," she said and started to laugh.

"What's so funny, Candace?" Linda inquired.

Candace fanned herself with her hand. "It's quite amusing actually. Ferb and Melissa; they're not having a baby. It was a joke."

Linda started to turn red in the face. "That's not funny Candace, that's not something we joke about."

Candace looked at her mother. "No, really. She's not pregnant."

Linda stood abruptly. "If those two think it's a joke talking about starting a family, they can just get married. The joke will be on them. If they want to pretend to be adults, they can start acting like adults."

Candace packed up her brother's belongings and went home. "Ferb?" she called as she opened the door.

The 17-year-old lifted his head out of his hands and looked at her, from where he was seated on the couch. "I've got some good news and some bad news for you. Which would you prefer?" she asked him as she sat beside him.

"The bad news," he whispered.

Candace gave him a quick hug. "You're getting married on Saturday," she told him and he started to visibly tremble. "It's okay Ferb, the good news is that Mom's happy for you two. Now how about you get some sleep?"

Ferb nodded and started toward the guest room, pausing to look at his sister. "I can't believe how stupid I am. I never wanted any of this to happen," he said as he left.

Phineas was in his room, listening to his parents yell and berate Ferb. His phone rang and he answered it. "Oh, hi Isabella," he said dispiritedly. "Nothing's the matter, why would anything be the matter? Oh, you saw Candace's car leave. Uh, yeah… she just stopped by to say 'hi'. You know, because she doesn't live here any more," he said as he scratched at his ear, thankful that she couldn't see him. "I don't feel like going out right now. I'm…. I'm not feeling well, I should just go to bed. Night." Phineas disconnected the call and looked out his window. He could see the light from Isabella's room.

Phineas spent his Sunday morning trying to call and text Ferb. "I've got to apologise to him," he muttered to himself as he sat under the oak tree in the backyard.

Ferb was sitting in his sister's kitchen staring at a cup of coffee and a piece of toast when Jeremy came over and sat down. "Lost your appetite?"

Ferb nodded.

"Want to talk about it?"

Ferb pondered this for a moment.

Jeremy looked at his brother-in-law. "Ferb?"

The 17-year-old looked up at the man of the house. "I'm scared," he said. "I'm not ready to be a husband."

Jeremy patted him on the back. "I understand, I wasn't ready to become a father at such a young age either."

Ferb shook his head. "I'm not a father."

Jeremy smiled. "Well, not yet, but before you know it…"

Ferb abruptly stood up. "Not for another few years if I've anything to say about it."

Jeremy seemed confused. "You're going to force her to…"

Ferb interrupted. "NO! She's not pregnant. She's never been pregnant. We've never slept together!"

Jeremy sat silent for a couple of minutes absorbing the information he just learned. Ferb collapsed into the kitchen chair again and covered his face with his hands. "Wow. You two have been going together for a few years, everyone must have been under the impression that… well, I guess that's some good news."

Ferb drew a shaky breath. "How is it good news? By this time next week I'll be married. I'm 17-years-old. I'm not ready for this."

Candace came into the kitchen. "Ferb, Phineas would like to talk with you," she said as she tried to hand him her phone.

Ferb's eyes went cold and he shook his head.

"Ferb," she said. He pushed past her and grabbed his jacket off the coat tree. Candace followed him. "Ferb, where are you going?"

With his hand on the doorknob, Ferb dropped his head. "I'm going to visit my fiancée," he said quietly before leaving.


	3. Chapter 3

During the week at school, Phineas did everything in his power to get Ferb to talk to him. Ferb did everything in his power to avoid his brother. In Ferb's mind, it was Phineas' fault. He might have been the one to propose marriage, but it was to prove a point. Things had escalated too far. He loved his girlfriend dearly, but he knew neither of them were ready for marriage. Ferb even stayed with Candace and Jeremy. By the end of the day on Tuesday, Ferb decided that he hated himself more than he hated his brother.

Thursday afternoon Candace stopped by the school. "You need new clothes," she told the young couple. Isabella and Adyson overheard and went to find Phineas.

Phineas grabbed his bag and closed his locker door. He was walking down the hallway when Isabella and Adyson came up to him. "Hey, Phineas. Why is Candace taking Ferb shopping for new clothes?"

He stopped dead in his tracks. "Uh… umm… there's a family something this weekend. She volunteered to take him shopping," he replied as his face turned red and he rubbed the back of his neck.

Isabella looked at him. "A 'family something'? What sort of 'family something'?" she asked. Phineas looked to the ceiling, the ground, the walls, anywhere but at the girl.

"Phineas?" Isabella prompted.

With a sigh, Phineas, looking worried, replied. "There's a family wedding this weekend."

Isabella's eyes lit up. "Really? Do you need a date?" Adyson snickered and left.

Phineas shook his head. "No. I don't need a date," he replied rapidly. "You don't know them," he tried. "Ferb's side of the family," he explained as he looked at the floor and walked away.

Phineas walked through the front door of the house and tossed his bag to the side. "Mom, I'm home," he called out half-heartedly. _Things just aren't the same without Ferb._ He thought to himself as he stepped into the kitchen. "Mom? What is all of this?" he inquired as he looked into a box and found dishes, pots, pans and other utensils and kitchen gadgets.

Linda turned and looked at her son. "They'll need some basic supplies to get them started. They can't just eat cold wieners and toast now can they… Ah, here's that old toaster, they can have that."

Phineas looked to his mother. "Have you spoken to Ferb lately?"

Linda shook her head. "No. I've not spoken to him, have you?"

Phineas cast his gaze down. "No. He's not talking to me. I never should have asked Melissa to tell him she's pregnant. I thought it would be funny."

Linda started to sob. "We have to be happy for them. They're going to be a family soon and we should show our support."

Friday at lunch, everyone met in the cafeteria. Even Ferb showed up for the first time all week. Milly looked at her food. "I thought I was hungry, but this looks disgusting," she complained. Most everyone agreed.

"Bottom of the barrel Friday," Buford said and everyone looked at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Adyson asked.

Buford stabbed his lunch with his fork and lifted the whole meal up. "Everything that wasn't eaten during the week is what they toss together and try to sell on Fridays. See, here's Monday's hot dog, Tuesday's fish, Wednesday's lasagne, yesterday's pasta," he pointed out.

"That's disgusting." Milly and Isabella said in unison.

Ferb picked at his lunch, and so did Melissa. "So, Ferb," Isabella started. "Phineas said that you guys are going to a wedding this weekend."

Ferb locked his gaze momentarily with his girlfriend, then turned his attention to Isabella and finally glared at Phineas. "You just can't…" Ferb started when Isabella interrupted.

"Hey, you've got a large family. I understand, it's not like it's you who's getting married," she said and started to laugh. Everyone else around the table started to laugh as well.

Ferb went back to Candace's house after school. "Oh, good. You're home," Candace said as he stepped through the front door. "Jeremy and I've got a surprise for you. Come with me."

Ferb followed his sister to the garage and up a flight of stairs. "We cleaned out the suite for you. Now you've got a place to live." Ferb looked around there was a large open room with a small table and a couple of chairs. A small, yet functional kitchen and a doorway leading to the bedrooms and bathroom. "You don't have in-suite laundry, I'm afraid," Candace said as she looked to her brother.

Ferb stood still as he tried to remain calm. "Thank you Candace," he whispered. She stepped over and hugged him.

The next morning everyone got ready and met at the courthouse. By 11 o'clock, Ferb was married. The whole family went back to the Flynn-Fletcher house. Linda started to cry. "My baby's married."

A few hours later Candace and Jeremy left, followed by the new Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher.

The newlyweds went upstairs to their suite and sat down. "I'm starting to get a little hungry. Can we order some take out?" Mrs. Fletcher asked. Ferb chuckled and nodded then pulled out his phone.

Within the hour the young couple had changed and were sitting and laughing at the small table with a couple of cartons of Chinese take out. "Knock-knock," Linda called from the bottom of the staircase and led the family upstairs.

Ferb heard Phineas. "Mom, they're probably occupied. They're married now." He then heard his mother scoff.

"Ferb, how are you doing son?" Lawrence greeted as he stepped off the stairs and into the suite.

Ferb nodded.

"I hope we're not interrupting anything," Linda said with a knowing smile.

Ferb shook his head, paused, then replied, "Well, actually… you're interrupting dinner."

Lawrence put a box of dishes down. "Is that what you kids call it these days? Linda, how about we have dinner later?"

Ferb bit the inside of his cheeks and picked up a box of take out. "No. You interrupted dinner."

Melissa came into the room. Linda came over to her and hugged her tight. "Welcome to the family, dear."

The bride blushed and smiled. "We really need to talk."

Half an hour later, after many explanations, Linda looked at the girl. "Let me get this straight. You're not pregnant." Ferb's new wife shook her head and Linda continued. "You're sure about that. You usually won't know for a few weeks."

Ferb turned as red as his brother's hair. "Mother, if she is pregnant, as we speak; it would be nothing short of a miracle."

Linda took a hard look at her son. "Oh, Ferb. I'm so sorry. Why didn't you say anything. We can still get your marriage annulled."

Ferb stood up straight. "No," he replied and turned to his wife. "I was going to ask you after graduation if you would marry me, now we don't need to worry about that."

She looked into his eyes and smiled. "I didn't want a big fancy wedding anyhow," she lied. "Who needs the whole friends and family and fun and…" She trailed off and sobbed into Ferb's chest.

Ferb held her tight. "Is that what you really want?" he asked her, his voice trembling.

She looked up at him. "I always envisioned everyone being there, being happy, having fun."

Ferb sighed and nodded. "Okay." He replied dejectedly and placed a kiss on her forehead.

Linda turned to her husband then back to the young couple. "Why not re-take your vows. It happens all the time. You can plan everything out and hold it on your first anniversary."

Phineas looked over to his brother and sister-in-law. "Ferb, I couldn't help but notice how happy you looked when you got married." He then turned to Melissa. "You too. You looked so beautiful and happy. You two love each other. I'll talk to Candace, I'm sure she'll help put together the best reception for you. Who said the reception had to take place right after the ceremony? Besides, we've got finals week after next."

Ferb released his wife and sat on one of the chairs.

"I think we should leave now," Linda said to her husband and son then left.

Melissa went over to her husband. "So, we're married?" she asked.

He nodded. "For now."

She started to trace his ear. "I love you Ferb. I just think we're a little young to be married." Ferb nodded. She traced the ring she had placed on his finger. "Can we talk this out?"

Ferb shrugged his shoulders. "I've got finals I need to study for," he said and left for the bedroom.

Linda, Lawrence and Phineas went home. Linda pulled out some left overs for dinner. "Do you think we did the right thing?" she asked.

Lawrence sighed. "I don't know love."

After dinner Phineas went to his room and pulled out his phone. He pressed recall 2 and waited. "Ferb, bro how are you?" he said and laughed at his brother's response. "So, I guess you're a bit busy tonight," he said with a chuckle, his face then fell. "I'm sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about it?" Phineas offered then pulled the phone away from his ear; still able to hear his brother perfectly.

"Talk?! It's your bloody fault I'm married! Phineas, I'm still a kid!"

Phineas then put the phone back to his ear and could hear his sister-in-law sob. "I'll call you later. Bye."

Sunday was quiet for the most part, until Candace, Jeremy and Amanda came over. Jeremy went into the garage to talk with Lawrence while Candace stayed in the kitchen to speak with her mother. "What did you do?" Candace started.

Linda looked to her. "What are you talking about?"

Candace flung her hands into the air. "Ferb. He spent last night on our couch… alone. I didn't know this until breakfast when Melissa came in and cried on my shoulder for two hours. She said you told them to get their marriage annulled. I spent the next two hours playing marriage counsellor with them. I got them talking and sent them to their suite."

Linda looked at her daughter. "Are they talking about annulment?" she asked.

Candace shook her head. "When it comes down to it, neither of them actually want an annulment. They both agree that they're young, but they love each other. I told them to go out on a date, a real date; like they used to. I suggested that they go make out in a movie theatre then go out for dinner."

Phineas came into the kitchen. "Hey Candace," he greeted.

She hugged him. "Ferb said he's sorry for snapping at you. He's just stressed right now. He claims he wants to be married, but at the same time, he wants things to be simpler."

Phineas looked at his sister. "I want to help. What should I do?"

Candace put her hand on his shoulder. "Stay away from him for a few days. Let him contact you." Phineas nodded his understanding.

Candace and Jeremy picked up some pizza on the way home. They were disheartened to see Ferb's car parked in the garage. They continued into their house.

Candace had just pulled three plates out of the cupboard when Melissa came in, smiling. "Thank you, Candace," she said.

Candace looked at her. "For what?"

Melissa's smile broadened. "For encouraging Ferb and I to talk. We talked about what we felt was right and wrong with our relationship. We always knew we should talk our problems out, but this one was just so huge… we didn't know where to start."

Candace nodded. "And, what have you discovered?"

Melissa blushed. "We agree that we might be too young to be married, and that we need to talk out our fears and concerns."

Candace looked at the teen. "Something happened while we were out, care to tell?"

Melissa's blush deepened. "It's embarrassing."

Candace looked at her. "I'm a married woman, as are you. You can tell me." Candace didn't think it possible but the colour of Melissa's cheeks deepened further, she walked over to her sister-in-law and whispered something in her ear. Candace grinned. "Really? That's great. Keep that up and I'll share some of my secrets with you."

Ferb and Melissa went to school on Monday. Phineas wanted to talk with Ferb, but every time he saw his brother, Ferb looked stressed. At lunch, everyone sat at the same table. Ferb remained quiet while Melissa joined in the conversation the girls were having.

Django winked at Milly, who started giggling. He then turned to Ferb. "We didn't see you guys all weekend, where were you?"

Phineas stopped eating and Melissa looked at her husband. Ferb finished his bite. "Family," he replied.

Adyson was talking animatedly to the group about something when she noticed a glint on Melissa's hand. "Ferb gave you a promise ring?" The girls all fawned over the ring. Ferb suddenly found his lunch absolutely fascinating.

With an impish grin, Django nudged Ferb in the arm. "What's with the promise ring? Trying to make an honest woman out of her? Let me guess, you would have married her; but you're too young." Ferb was never so grateful he sat on the edge of the bench. He offered Melissa his hand and they left the cafeteria.

Phineas and Isabella left the cafeteria and soon found their friends near Ferb's locker. Isabella watched as Ferb wiped away a couple of Melissa's tears. "He loves her so much," she whispered.

Phineas nodded. "He really does."

Isabella tilted her head to the side. "Do you think they're acting a bit strange?" Isabella whispered then walked over to her friends. "Hey guys."

Melissa looked over and saw Isabella. Her and Ferb took a step away from each other then replied, "Hi Isabella."

With a smile, Isabella dragged Phineas closer. "Whatcha' doin'?"

Ferb narrowed his eyes at his brother and Melissa shifted her gaze between Isabella and the floor. "We're just talking." She replied.

Phineas shook his head slowly. "Ferb. I need…" He started slowly, "...to ask you something important, in private." He finished as quick as he could, looking worried. Ferb looked hard at his brother for a second then turned his attention to his wife, placing his right hand on her cheek. She nodded and smiled at him. With a quick glance down the hallway, Ferb pointed to an empty class room.

"Isabella. Can you keep a secret?" Ferb asked her seriously.

She nodded.

"I mean it. It's none of your business and you have no right to know, but you'll extract the information from Phineas either way; and that would be painful," he said.

Isabella looked to him. "You know I would never harm your brother," she said. Ferb rolled his eyes.

Five minutes before the end of the lunch break the door to the class room opened and a very quiet Isabella walked out. Followed by Phineas, Ferb and Melissa. Isabella looked up at her friend. "I don't know if I can keep that secret."

Ferb placed his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "If Phineas can keep the secret, you can."

At the end of the day, Phineas approached Ferb and Isabella approached Melissa. Both Phineas and Isabella were told that the young couple had to study for finals. "Why don't we all study together?" Isabella gently asked.

Melissa looked down the hall and saw the rest of the girls getting closer. "I study better on my own, if you've got any questions you can text me," she said as she grabbed her bag and left.

Tuesday morning Candace was leaving for work at the same time Ferb and Melissa were leaving for school. "Morning," Melissa sang causing Candace to drop her purse. Candace took a look at her sister-in-law and hugged her tight.


	4. Chapter 4

Tuesday and Wednesday passed without a whisper of Ferb's marriage. Thursday, Buford cornered Ferb as he was coming out of math. "There's something different about you," Buford accused. Ferb raised an eyebrow, and Buford studied him a moment. "You seem… relaxed."

Ferb rolled his eyes. "I'm about to graduate high school. I've been accepted to my first choice of college. I've got nothing to worry about."

Buford shook his head. "No. That's not it. There's something… I want to say irreversible, but I'm not sure." Ferb started to walk away when Buford called out. "I know; you got a tattoo." Ferb paused, turned around and looked at his friend then sighed. With a triumphant look Buford stepped over. "I knew you were a rebel. Can I see it?"

Ferb narrowed his eyes. "I'm not going to show you," he growled.

Buford grinned. "Come on, I'd show you mine… if I had one."

Ferb shook his head. "Not if it was where mine is," he said. Starting to walk away, he paused and turned back to Buford. "I need your help with something. You see, Phineas…"

Friday morning Buford came up to Phineas. "Hey Dinner Bell. How about you and me hang out tomorrow?"

Phineas nodded. "Okay, sounds great."

Saturday morning Phineas was eating his breakfast when he saw Buford at the patio door. "I'm going out for a while, later Mom," he called and left.

The two boys headed out the back gate and walked toward the park. Buford glanced at his friend. "Ferb said that you pranked him the other week."

Phineas nodded. "He got me back. Boy did he get me back."

Buford laughed. "So he said. Anyhow, isn't it a bit childish to play pranks on your brother? Where is he anyhow? I didn't see the Spyder in the driveway."

Phineas looked to the ground. "He's staying at Candace's place. Things are a bit… awkward between us at the moment."

The two boys passed under the archway and into Danville Park. Buford looked around. "Have you ever brought anyone here on a date before?" he asked.

Phineas blushed as he shook his head. "Consider this a first then." Buford laughed, and Phineas sharply looked up at his friend. "We're on a date? How did this happen? I thought we were just hanging out. I've never dated anyone, what are people going to think?"

Buford rolled his eyes. "Calm down Dinner Bell. Geesh. People will think what they want. That was why I agreed to this. In case the reason you're so dense around Girly is that you prefer guys."

Phineas started to stammer and stutter. "I-I-I have no idea what my preference is. Is it possible to like both?"

Buford paused in his step and studied his friend a moment. Phineas looked to the ground, embarrassed that he said what he did. Buford coughed. _Time to lie to the boy._ "What, like me an' 'Jeet? Sure. What guys do you think are hot? 'Cause if I gotta fight you for 'Jeet, I will," he said as he cracked his knuckles.

"I think I need to talk to Ferb, get some things straightened out," Phineas replied quickly as he turned an ever deepening shade of red.

Shaking his head sadly, Buford looked away from his friend. "Dude, Ferb's your brother. That's just wrong on so many levels. To each their own, I guess."

Phineas looked sharply to the other boy looking both confused and disgusted. Buford then continued, "Look, Phineas; it doesn't matter. Let's just enjoy ourselves, you still didn't answer my question."

Phineas' embarrassment was palpable. "Uh, Django's got nice hair, I guess."

The two boys continued to walk through the park. Buford was starting to feel bad for his friend. Ferb knew Phineas was shy and maybe a bit confused. _There's only so much a brother can do for another. That's why Ferb asked me to help._ Buford thought to himself before he looked to the ground and replied. "Artists get freaky. Maybe you've got a shot. Assuming you don't get somewhere with Girly."

Buford didn't notice that Phineas stopped five paces ago until he spoke. "...what, you think I have a chance with her?"

Buford smiled to himself, then turned around. "Probably, the way she's always hanging off every word you say." Buford could see the cogs turning in the other boy's head.

"She does?" Phineas whispered.

_I never thought I'd be the one to open the door to his mind, I always thought that would have been Ferb_, Buford thought to himself, then said, "You don't see it?"

Phineas seemed worried. "I thought she was just really interested in what I was saying."

With a laugh and a shake of his head, Buford replied. "Nope, she just likes to listen to the sound of your voice for some reason."

Phineas started to rub the back of his head as he started to think out loud. "Huh. I wonder what could cause that."

Buford stared at his friend and thought to himself. _No wonder Ferb's frustrated. This guy really is as dense as they come._ "You really are that clueless, ain't ya?" he told Phineas.

With a blink, Phineas cocked his head to the side. "About what?"

Buford face palmed mentally and physically before thinking to himself, _I don't have the patience for this, Ferb's an absolute saint._ "Look Dinner Bell... Maybe you should have a long talk with Ferb about a few things."

Phineas blinked and nodded. "He does seem to acquire information about various things."

Buford threw his hands up in frustration. "No. Ferb's observant. He sees clearly what's not always obvious to all."

Phineas crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm observant," he replied indignantly.

Buford tried to imitate Ferb with a raise of his eyebrow, but it didn't have the same effect and he took a step back when Phineas exploded. "What? I am!"

With a sigh, Buford tried to defuse the boy. "What colour blouse was Isabella wearing yesterday?"

Phineas laughed. "She wasn't wearing a blouse, she had on that green dress that looks so good on her..."

Buford nodded. "What colour were her shoes?"

Phineas grinned then replied. "That's easy, white with pink trim."

With a triumphant, "Ha!" Buford corrected him. "WRONG! She was wearing black flats."

Puzzled, Phineas looked at his friend. "You look at her feet?"

Buford nodded. "I look at everyone's feet."

Worried, Phineas glanced around, "...yeah, I don't think I want to know the answer there."

Buford nodded knowingly. "Wise man."

The two boys looked at each other a moment before Phineas spoke. "Is it related to why you have molds of everybody?"

With a shrug of his shoulders Buford replied, "...maybe."

Confused, Phineas asked. "Why do you have molds of everyone?"

Buford rolled his eyes. "You juiced your sister. If it wasn't for my mold of her, you'd still have a puddle of Candace."

"I'm not saying it wasn't useful. I'm just wondering why," Phineas said defensively.

"Trust me. You don't want to know," Buford told him.

Phineas kicked a stone. "I could make molds of everyone too, you know."

The other boy nodded. "But you wouldn't. You just don't have the je ne sais quoi to pull it off."

Phineas looked at him. "I don't have the what?"

Buford stopped and crossed his arms over his chest. "Look, not many know this about me... I have a bit of a sensitive side." Phineas had the sense to look astonished before Buford continued. "Don't get any ideas or I might have to hurt you."

Phineas started to look worried again. "Is this the point where we're supposed to kiss?"

Buford took a step closer to him. "Do you want it to be?"

Phineas took a step back. "Not particularly."

Buford clapped him on the shoulder. "Good."

Phineas walked over to a picnic table, sat down and pulled a marble from his pocket and started rolling it. "So, uh... we're still friends; aren't we?" he asked, concerned, as he looked at his friend.

Buford sat across from him. "Sure, that way I don't have to explain anything to Ad-, I mean 'Jeet."

Phineas gave his head a shake. "Can you help me get back at Ferb?" Buford snorted. "What did he do?"

Phineas rolled his marble a little more. "Set me up with you."

Buford looked incredulously to his friend. "Why?"

Sheepishly, Phineas replied."It's my fault he married his girlfriend."

Buford's jaw dropped. "Wait, when did they get married?"

Phineas started to tremble. "It was a small ceremony with a JP."

Softening his voice, Buford asked, "Why's it your fault?"

Phineas took a deep breath before whispering, "I...may have convinced her to fake a pregnancy."

Buford fell to the ground laughing, then caught his breath. "You mean to tell me he's actually married?"

Phineas shrugged his shoulders. "I guess."

Buford whipped a tear from his eye. "Where does he live?"

Phineas found he couldn't make eye contact with his friend. "Candace is letting them stay in the suite above her garage."

Buford suddenly became serious. "Please tell me Melissa told him the truth before the wedding." Phineas nodded. "He knew, but he said it was just accelerating his plans, not changing them."

Buford nodded slowly, pensively. "That would explain the goofy grin on her face during class."

Phineas looked up for the first time in minutes. "You can't tell anyone, they're waiting until after graduation to say anything."

Buford rubbed the back of his neck. "How did he get your parents to go along?"

Phineas started to look worried again. "Ferb wasn't given a chance to tell them until after the wedding."

"Huh." Buford grunted then continued. "I didn't think Ferb had it in him."

Phineas started playing with the marble again. "Mom and Dad were... upset and angry at him. Mom was actually more upset when she found out that they weren't having a baby."

Buford snatched the marble away from his friend. "So, you're telling me that while the majority of the guys would just talk about having sex with their girlfriends; Ferb actually was?"

Phineas looked at the marble Buford was rolling between his fingers as he shrugged his shoulders. "He did have an 'Oh, shit!' moment when she told him she was pregnant."

Buford ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah, no kidding. That's one thing me and Ad-... I mean 'Jeet don't have to worry about. So when are you and Isabella gonna...?"

"I haven't even kissed her yet," Phineas lamented.

Buford scoffed, "So fix that."

Phineas looked directly across the table at his friend. "Easier said than done."

Buford shook his head. "No, probably not."

Phineas focused his attention on the marble. "I guess I could ask her over one evening. Now that Ferb's no longer home, it's really quiet."

Buford palmed the item. "Hold the phone... It's quiet now that Ferb's out of the house?"

Phineas nodded. "You've never asked him to explain biomechanics to you; he didn't stop talking for four hours."

Buford opened his hand and looked at the marble. "Huh. I wouldn't have expected it."

Phineas opened his hand and the other returned the item. "He's quiet unless he has something to say. Then you can't shut him up."

"I always thought you guys were the best of friends," Buford said as he stood up.

Phineas followed. "We are, don't get me wrong. He's got his quirks; apparently I've got one or two as well."

The taller boy laughed. "Tell me something I don't know."

Phineas kicked a pebble. "He once told me that there's no point in talking if one isn't sharing useful information."

Buford paused in step. "And you..."

Phineas wavered on his answer a moment. "Well, you never know what information will be useful down the road."

The two boys continued walking around the park. "I've noticed, over the years, that you think out loud."

Phineas nodded. "Many people think out loud."

Buford put his hand on Phineas' arm to stop him. "Do you ever talk to yourself?"

Phineas nodded."More so now that Ferb's not around."

"Why now that he's not around?" Buford asked.

"Because before I could talk to him, and it had much the same effect," Phineas replied.

Buford sighed. "You actually miss having him around, don't you?"

Phineas nodded sadly. "Sometimes. It's just not the same, the shower's always cold. He used to take his shower first, the water was always hot after."

They continued walking. "What, he didn't use up all the hot water?"

Phineas shook his head. "No, that was Candace. He'd get in the shower, wash up quick, and then get back out, so the water would have warmed up but there'd still be plenty of hot water left."

Buford grunted. "Weird."

Phineas smiled slightly. "Not really. It's not like he needed a lot of private time in there, given what he was apparently doing with his girlfriend."

Buford nodded. "I suppose. However a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do."

With a disgusted look, Phineas replied. "Not all guys do that in the shower you know. Though, when he was getting ready for a date he could spend almost an hour in the bathroom."

Buford thumped his chest. "I get ready for a date in 10 minutes."

Phineas shrugged. "He always looked good when he left." he pointed out.

"Are you telling me you've got a thing for your own brother?" Buford inquired.

"No, not at all. I can look at him and realize that girls would like him, and even some guys, but...he's my brother. It'd be like having a thing for Candace," Phineas said.

Buford replied, "There ain't nothin' wrong with havin' a thing for Candace."

Phineas shook his head. "...I did not need to know that, Buford."


	5. Chapter 5

They stopped at the pond and started tossing pebbles into the water when Buford asked, "Does Ferb have a thing for guys?"

Phineas whipped his head around. "What?"

Buford calmly repeated himself. "Does Ferb like guys? I'm just wondering, keeping my options open, ya know. In case things don't work out with 'Jeet."

Phineas tossed a pebble and pointed out. "Ferb married his girlfriend." With a laugh, Buford replied. "That doesn't mean anything, he's 17."

Phineas picked up a few more pebbles. "I've never heard him express an interest in guys."

Buford shrugged his shoulders. "Ah well. I can always dream."

Disgusted, Phineas looked at his friend. "...do you even understand the concept of TMI?"

Buford shook his head. "Nope. Do you?"

Phineas rolled his eyes "Better than you, obviously."

Buford punched Phineas in the arm. "You should casually ask him if he's interested in guys."

Phineas turned a brilliant shade of red "What? Why? I'm not going to meddle in his love life."

With a grunt Buford pointed out, "You already did. Besides, 'Jeet and I've been talking about spicing things up a little."

Phineas averted his eyes. "Get Baljeet to ask him, then."

Buford smiled. "'Jeet would just about die."

Phineas laughed lightly. "Yeah, he'd get that all-over blush he gets when he's really embarrassed."

Buford rubbed his hands together. "...okay, that does sound tempting to watch." Phineas laughed.

"You sure you're not interested in guys?" Buford asked.

Phineas nodded. "Fairly sure, yeah."

Buford grabbed his arm again. "Okay, answer quick... if you were to ram your tongue down someone's throat who would it be?"

Phineas rolled his eyes. "Isabella. Duh."

"So why haven't you?" Buford inquired.

"I'm not sure she wants me to," Phineas answered sheepishly.

"Your tongue isn't the only thing she wants from you," Buford muttered to himself.

"WHAT!?" Phineas exclaimed, embarrassed at this turn in the conversation.

"Oh, come on man! Don't you have eyes? She's been trying to get into your pants for years." Buford almost yelled.

Phineas started wringing his hands. "Buford, that's disturbing."

With a swift kick at a piece of litter Buford replied. "It's healthy. Though why she'd choose you... whatever."

Phineas scuffed his shoes as he looked to the ground "You're right, I don't know why she'd want me. I think you're seeing things."

Buford hit him upside the head with a smack. "She wants you, Dinner Bell. She totally wants you."

Phineas shook his head. "You can't be serious."

"Have you seen the way she looks at you? The way she talks to you?" Buford inquired.

Phineas shook his head. "She's never treated me any different than she's treated you, Baljeet or Ferb."

Buford had to hold himself back from grabbing the dense one. "She all but ignored Ferb in favour of you for the first three years we all hung out."

Phineas took three steps back. "...she did?"

Buford nodded his head vigorously. "You didn't notice? Seriously?"

With a shrug of his shoulders Phineas replied, "...I was too busy trying not to make it obvious that I was watching her."

Buford sadly shook his head. "No wonder Ferb jumped at the chance to move out."

"Hey, he's had his own room for almost two years," Phineas said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"I can't believe it took that long for him to get his own room." Buford pointed out.

"We liked sharing the room." Phineas replied calmly.

With a shake of his head Buford replied, "That's not what he said."

Phineas started walking and he threw his hands in the air. "Oh? Why didn't he say anything?"

Buford started after him. "You never listen."

Phineas took a step closer to his friend. "Of course I listen. I might tune Ferb out after the first hour, but I listen."

Buford pressed his finger into Phineas' chest. "If you listened to him, you'd know that by the time you were 13 he was pining for his own room."

Phineas scoffed. "No he wasn't. Mom asked me from time to time if I wanted Ferb to move into the spare room, and have the large room all to myself." Phineas' eyes went wide.

"Uh, huh." Buford said as he saw understanding come to light in his friend's blue eyes.

"You're telling me, he was asking for his own room all along?" Phineas asked.

Buford nodded "Yep."

Phineas looked worried, "...am I this dense with everyone?"

Buford nodded again. "Yep."

Phineas rubbed his hands down his face. "I never realised," he whispered.

"So, now that you've been enlightened; whatcha gonna do about it?" Buford asked him.

"I should apologise to Ferb," Phineas said as he pulled out his phone and walked away.

Buford watched as his friend spoke to his brother on the phone. _Poor kid_, he thought.

Phineas sat hard onto one of the park benches. _I hope I'm not interrupting anything._

"Ferb?"

"How's your date going?"

"Fascinating. I'm learning all sorts of things I didn't realize."

"Good for you."

Phineas fidgeted, shuffling his feet in the dust. "I wouldn't really call today a 'date' though. More of a learning experience."

"Buford does have a brilliant insight into his friends."

"That's one thing I've been learning. Tell me, why; why did you never say anything?"

"About?"

"Wanting to move out."

Ferb snorted. "You didn't want to listen."

"Do you think things would be different if I had listened to you?"

"Doubt it."

"What do you mean?"

"You still haven't kissed Isabella... or anyone for that matter."

"I didn't know," Phineas pleaded.

"That's probably the only reason she hasn't killed you."

"Why would she want to do that?"

"Frustration."

"Can you give me some advice?"

"You could kiss her."

"What would that accomplish?"

"Two things. #1: It would acknowledge that you actually see her as a person. #2: You'll know right away if you're destined to kiss girls or guys for the rest of your life."

"Well, technically, I'll know if I'm destined to kiss girls or not. I'd have to test with someone else to see if I'm destined to kiss guys instead of, or in addition to girls."

"Pedant," Ferb sighed.

"Fine. So I'll go track her down and give her a kiss."

"Good. I'd say 'good luck', but you won't need it."

Phineas disconnected the phone and looked at it.

Buford walked over and sat beside his friend. "So, what did Beanpole McGee have to say?"

Phineas looked at the boy sitting next to him. "I should go kiss Isabella and that he doesn't feel as though he needs to wish me 'good luck'."

Buford clapped his hand on Phineas' shoulder then stood up. "Nope. We done here?"

Phineas offered Buford a small smile. "I think so. Thanks, Buford."

"Whatever. Don't forget what I told ya," Buford said as he walked away.

Phineas headed home and opened the gate to the empty backyard. Ferb was at home with his wife, Candace was home with Jeremy. His parents were out on a date. He sat back against the tree, thinking. The gate opened and Isabella entered.

"I saw you get home. Whatcha' doin'?" She asked sweetly as she made her way over to him.

Phineas looked up nervously, then replied, "...thinking."

Isabella clasped her hands behind her back and started rocking on her feet. "About?"

Phineas stood up and looked directly at her. "Us."

With a sigh, Isabella looked to the ground. "What about 'us'?"

Phineas reached for her hand. "I've heard that I've been blind to you for years."

She looked at her hand in his, then looked into his eyes. "Who told you that?"

He offered a sincere smile. "It doesn't matter."

Isabella pulled her hands out of his and stepped back. "No. This isn't what I wanted. I wanted you to figure it out on your own, not feel obligated once you knew my feelings."

Phineas looked pleadingly to her. "I've also heard that I'm not the only one who's been blind."

Isabella looked at him and shook her head. "What do you mean?" Phineas looked to the ground a moment before answering. "You weren't the only one who's been dropping hints."

Isabella crossed her arms over her chest in anger. "Who is she?"

Phineas tried offering his hand again. "Not she. Me. I've wanted you all along. But...I wanted to wait until I knew it was mutual."

"Oh, Phineas," Isabella said with a sob.

"Can I ask you something?" Phineas asked as he took her hands in his again and she nodded. "Can I kiss you?" he asked as he took another step closer. She nodded again as she took a step closer to him and let him brush his lips against hers.


End file.
